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Wir freuen uns auf viele spannende Diskussionen rund um METALLICA, Metal, u.v.m.!
1. when asked about your main influence, say it's black sabbath. always black sabbath 2.don't sound anything like black sabbath 3.make fun of britney spears and n'sync 4.when conducting interviews, say "fuck", "fag", and "shit as much as possible 5.only do interviews with: metal edge, revolver, alternative press, hit parader, guitar world, kerrang and rolling stone 6.pay 50$ for them to refer to you as a metal band. 7.pay them 50$ to create a new genre name specifically for you (see evil disco and spookycore) 8.make sure someone in your band is starting a side project every other month 9.ask your mom to buy you 6 boxes of hair gel, you'll need it to look like robb flynn 10.use the word "gay" for anything you don't like 11.no guitar solos 12.your bassist must be either.... 13. ...female (and a kindergoth) 14. ...or use fieldy's slap and pop technique (and be very fat) 15.jump lots while playing guitar 16.use only "bass-snare-bass-snare" drum techniques 17.ask your audience to sing along.... 18.....jump up and down... 19....put their hands in the air.... 20.....flash their middle fingers..... 21....and not to hurt eachother (say "because were all brothers and sisters" 22.in the liner notes thank your parents and 15 other bands (4 of which sound just like yours, put in black sabbath to be cool) 23. make sure at least one member.... 24...has been arrested.... 25...is an alcoholic..... 26...or smokes lots of weed 27.make sure your second album is weaker than the first one 28.deny anyone uses drugs in your band 29.say you hate limp bizkit, while defending primer 55, dope and taproot 30.when describing bands you like say "kicks ass" 31.when describing bands you hate, say "sucks ass" 32.lie about being abused in you lyrics 33. when that doesn't work, dedicate money to child abuse centres 34.you must be signed to sony records or their subsidiaries (see epic) 35.wear whatever rappers are wearing 36.say "shaznit" 37. say "tight as fuck" 38. pretend you hate mtv 39.ask fred durst for interview advise 40.wear huge pants that show your underwear 41.sing the praises of Korn 42.you need atleast one chick in your band (or, failing that an obese latino guy will do) 43.play ozzfest 44.make sure your t-shirts have meaningless messages on them (see otep) 45.pretend you design your own website 46.ross robinson should produce your cd (failing that ask gggarth richardson) 47.delay your album releases twice 48.have atleast one guest track on all your albums. 49.always whine 50.close your eyes when singing to look depressed 51.LOTS of body piercings (see dez fafara) 52.one band member must be bald 53.or he can have a goatee (both if you can) 54.pretend you hate the world 55.at live shows dive into the crowd and crowdsurf (see sid wilson of slipknot) 56.make sure your underwear is always showing 57.your drummer can't wear a shirt during live performance (he also needs a square haircut) 58.bite the microphone 59.swing the microphone while headbanging 60.always suck up to the crowd during concerts 61.insert the word "fucking" into the middle of a word (see coco-fucking-nut) 62.only use zildjian cymbals 63.use only ibanez guitars (not that anyone cares) 64.always use seven string guitars (not that you use all of them) 65.use lots of stomp pedals and other distortion effects 66.wear face paint/masks. when someone calls you a slipknot clone say "we've been doing the mask thing since 1977" 67.say your next album will be heavier than the last 68.re-read #67, but use the word "fucking" more often 69.make sure that the next album is actually softer than the last 70.use the word "fuck" in all your songs atleast 3 times each (see limp bizkit's last "masterpiece" 71.pick fights with random bands (see fred durst, corey taylor and sully erna) 72.if your copying someone else, don't use profanity, so that critics like you (see linkin park) 73.when kids start calling you sellouts, tell them they'd do the same thing. 74.when kids call you copycats, say the other band is an influence OR.... 75.....it's a coincidence (see adema) 76.make fun of gay people 77.when parents tell you to go to your room, go to your room 78.do a new album every year. whether the material is new or not is completely inconsequential 79.get in fights with security all the time 80.wash your sneakers only 4 times a year 82.release a home video that just shows your band making asses of themselves backstage (limp bizkit are masters of this) 83.during a live performance, make the crowd sing the chorus to your current single (see POD) 84.make sure 90% of your fans are dumb twelve year olds who use your name on the internet all the time (see slipknot666, limpbizkitrulzazz! and linkin chick) the other 10% are actually smart people who take your music at face value. 85.your band name must be misspelled 86.refuse to accept the fact that kids are violent because of your music. blame it on the parents. 87. when someone compares you with another band, say "I never heard of them" 88.cancel the first 5 dates (including the only canadian date) of every north american tour you do. 89.claim that you really are angry in your music 90.insist your band is metal 91.best buy and hot topic are your best friends 92.say your gonna commit suicide when nobody listens to your music (this also works for Deicide) 93.wear lots of black and white face paint and act evil (oh wait that's black metal) 94.claim to be a fan of kittie, otep and coal chamber for their music when in reality you just want to fuck one of the female members of said bands 95, deny that #94 is true. proceed to stomp your foot on the floor when people say that to you! 96.your radio single must have clean vocals or at least melodic riffing (in other words, don't be hatebreed) 97.write a profanity filled dirge about how you hate your critics (see limp bizkit's "hot dog" 98.if you're new, cover an old 80's dance song (see disturbed, alien ant farm, orgy, dope) 99.participate in lots of compilations 100.NO GUITAR SOLOS! 101.you're offended by all these rules.
- Henning Metal ist nicht nur eine Musikrichtung. Metal ist eine musikalische Umsetzung einer Lebenseinstellung und einem Bündel an Gefühlen. Findet man sich nicht teilweise wieder, wenn man bestimmte Songs hört? Metal ist mehr als nur Musik.