THE BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD VERSION OF 2112
(the scene: beavis and butthead sitting in the 20th century version of their ultimate living room pit. Butthead begins to speak)
BUTTHEAD: "Uh, I like can't sleep and stuff. I'm like looking at megadon and the city and sky and stuff...and it sucks. The Twin Moons, just two pale orbs-
BEAVIS: huh-huh, you said "orbs"
BUTTHEAD: Oh yeah (5 minutes of moronic laughing) That was pretty cool. So like, life was cool. I used to watch Megadonian Watch on the Templevision and watch the chicks shake their thingies.
BEAVIS: Yeah! Yeah! And um, my friend Beavis said it didn't suck as much here as it did on other planets. (Begins to get...dare I say, more serious) I believed what I was told. I thought it was a good life. Then...
BUTTHEAD: (Inturrupting and pointing at Beavis) Uh, he's not my friend. He's just some dillhole who follows me around when I'm not kicking his ass.
BEAVIS: Shut up Butthead! I'm gonna kick YOUR ass!
(Beavis and Butthead start fighting as the Overture kicks in. As the music draws to a close, we see Stewart standing on top of a hill in an Alanis Morrisette T-shirt)
STEWART: And the meek shall inherit the earth.
II Temples of Syrinx
BEAVIS: So like, there's these temples everywhere. And they suck! The priests keep telling us what do, like to go to work and read books and stuff. Buttknockers.
(We now see a 20th century classroom, where Sgt. Buzz *sorry, can't remember his real name*, the ex-marine gym teacher from hell recites his own version of "Temples of Syrinx" )
SGT BUZZ: LISTEN UP YOU PANTY WIPES
We took care of everything! Everything you hear and sing and see is decided by us. DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT YOU PATHETIC SPECIMIN
OF MANHOOD? We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx. We control the gift of life to be given or wasted on you peons!
BUTTHEAD: Uh, we were like, by the waterfall. 'Cuz sometimes the priestesses of syrinx go to swim there and, huh-huh, you can see their..huh-huh-huh-huh
BEAVIS: Yeah! GOING-OING-OING!!!
BUTTHEAD: Huh-huh. Morning wood.
BEAVIS: Um, there were no chicks there, which sucked. But then we saw this thing. We didn't know what it was, but it was cool...
(flasback to Beavis and Butthead standing behind the waterfall holding the guitar as the music plays)
BUTTHEAD: What can this strange device be? When I touch it-
BEAVIS: Heh-heh, you said "Touch it"
BUTTHEAD: Damnit Beavis, if you interrupt me one more time, I'm gonna kick your ass! (Continues...) It's got wires that vibrate, and-
BEAVIS: heh-heh, you said "vibra--" AAAAH! (screams as Butthead backhands him across the face)
BUTTHEAD: I said shut up, butt knocker!
BEAVIS: Well quit talking like a wuss, and stop calling me butt knocker!!
BUTTHEAD laughing) Butt knocker.
BEAVIS: Ahh! Shut up butthead, I'm gonna kill you!
(Scene of Beavis and Butthead fighting fades into them fooling around with the guitar)
BUTTHEAD: Hey Beavis, lets take this thing to the temple. Everyone will think we're cool.
BEAVIS: Yeah, and I bet we'll get lots of chicks!
BUTTHEAD: Yeah. We're gonna score.
BEAVIS: Um, sir? I know it's weird to see us here.
But we found something cool. So like listen to this, it rocks!
SGT. BUZZ: Damnit, Beavis, we already know what that is! It's bad enough we've got losers like you in the world
We don't need this too!
BUTTHEAD: Listen asswipe, this stuff is cool. And if we play it the world won't suck so much
SGT. BUZZ: THAT DID IT! If you maggots don't get the hell outta this temple right now, I'm gonna take that strange device of yours and wrap it around your thick empty skulls! Now get out!!!
(final scene of Sgt Buzz chasing Beavis and Butthad out of the Temple)
V. Oracle: The Trip
(scene opens with Beavis and Butthead licking toads, trying to get a buzz. Eventually they pass out, and Mr. Van Dresden, the sensitive new-age English teacher appears as the oracle)
BUTTHEAD: Who's this wuss?
HIPPIE TEACHER: Beavis and Butthead, I'm here to show you a strange wondrous land, where the hand of mind shall arise with hungry mind and open eyes...
BUTTHEAD: Huh-huh, you said "arise"
BEAVIS: Are we gonna see chicks with big hooters?
HIPPIE TEACHER: No, Beavis. I'm here to take you to a land light years away, where the people still learn and grow...
(The oracle takes beavis and butthead to a planet known as "White Zombie Sector F", A planet full of loud music made with the same strange device that they found, free concerts, and legalized pot After getting their fill, the oracle brings them back)
HIPPIE TEACHER: Now Beavis and Butthead, these people are coming home some day. And some day, this planet will be like theirs.
BUTTHEAD: Whoa! That would be cool!
(Beavis and Butthead are back in their living room)
BUTTHEAD: We've been waiting for days, but those cool aliens haven't shown up yet.
BEAVIS: Y'know, I used to think this planet sucked, but after seeing that place that rocked, my life really sucks!
(The music starts)
BUTTHEAD: Uh, I'm still coming down from my trip
Feeling dizzy and stuff,
I take a no-doz and sit up
But it's to early to get out of bed.
I wish our world cool like that trip
And, uh, like I wish it didn't suck.
BEAVIS suddenly freaking out) JUST THINK OF WHAT MY LIFE MIGHT BE IN A WORLD LIKE I HAVE SEEN!
BUTTHEAD impressed) Whoa!
BEAVIS: I DON'T THINK I CAN CARRY ON
CARRY ON THIS COLD AND EMPTY LIFE
OH NO....AAAAAAAH!!! AAAAAAAHH!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BUTTHEAD: Settle DOWN, Beavis.
BEAVIS: Um, oh yeah. Sorry 'bout that.
BUTTHEAD: So like, we're depressed and stuff...
(Before they can do us a favor and end their worthless lives, we hear...)
VII. The Grand Finale
(A loud noise is heard outside. Beavis and Butthead run out to see a fleet of ships filling the sky, playing cool music.)
BEAVIS: Check it out Butthead, they're here!
BUTTHEAD: Yeah! (Waving his arms) Hey! Hey! We're here!
(One spaceship hovers over Beavis and Butthead. For a second, there is a strange hum, then a red laser strikes Beavis and Butthead, reducing the pair to a pile of grey dust as a booming voice announces:
ATTENTION ALL PLANETS OF THE SOLAR FEDERATION
WE'RE GONNA KICK YOUR ASS
Hoffentlich wird das verfilmt...
There's no one to take my blame
if they wanted to
There's nothing to keep me sane
and it's all the same to you
There's nowhere to set my aim
so I'm everywhere
Never come near me again
do you really think I need you